Bullying

[Fiona1986]

Viv, I wouldn't be punishing a child that stood up to a bully that way but neither would I be celebrating it. I think it's completely understandable that the girl did it but it's not really the best way of dealing with things. You can stand up for yourself without beating the **** out of someone. I mean if you're an adult being picked on at work (some horrendous workplace bullying still goes on) you can't exactly turn around and smack your colleague in the face, not without consequence.

It's tough, though. I was a bullied kid pretty much all the way from age 8 or so up until I left school. It never got really bad, more a constant drip drip of name calling and stuff, and it changed every few years who it was coming from so every time I got free of one person/group it would start with someone else. The school were spoken to a couple of times but never really did anything.

[Moonraker]

I can never condone violence, but I do have a secret admiration for her actions! I know it's a juxtaposition, but sometimes eggs have to be bashed to cook with them. It would have been far better if the school could have resolved the matter, Sadly, bullying is not confined to schools, we can't beat everyone up who bullies us, I would have been chucked out of the ambulance service within weeks if I had.

[pete9012S]

I'm sorry to hear about that Fiona.

When I went to my secondary school I deliberately stopped bullies on three separate occasions picking on new pupils who had joined the school by moving into the area.

Some of the lads being bullied and picked on were really tough cookies, but one person is no match for six or seven bullies.
I never forgot what it was like to be bullied at a much younger age.

My group of friends were all big lads like myself - it was amazing to see how little resistance these bullies gave when the odds were suddenly leveled up against them.

I met one of the lads called Carl I saved back in 1979/80 in the co-op a year or two ago with my wife.
He remembered me and thanked me for coming to his aid all those years ago. He said I had saved him from a living hell.

He told my wife that in school I was known as a very hard man, but also extremely fair and compassionate to those in need!!!

[Viv of Ginger Pop]

[Jomo]

I attended four different schools and from infants school to senior high school there was always a bully who was ready to take exception to my existence.
The bullies were of a distinct pattern - the leader was always a smarter than average, hard and wiry, partnered by a not very bright, larger boy who was going to beat me up if I didn’t do what the leader said. I had chronic severe asthma and had spent a lot of time off school. I did a double promotion spending only a few months in 1st class before I was promoted to 2nd class, and there was a lot of resentment over my ‘special’ treatment. I couldn’t help being singled out, but it meant I didn’t have a posse of friends in my year, making me a ready target. I remember standing back to back with Johnny, who had polio and had a metal calliper on his leg. Johnny kicked our attackers with his callipered leg while I punched those who came within range. The teacher on playground duty apparently didn’t see any of this happening.
Some of the bullying took place in the playground, but mostly it was on the walk home from school. I learnt to stand and fight, as running away was not an option.
The same pattern recurred in my new primary school from 3rd class onwards - I was seen as the posh kid, and intermittently I spent about half the year off sick, so I didn’t form close friendships. My nemesis was a boy called Jimmy Carpenter. I caught up with him decades later and he apologised and told me how much he admired me for standing up to him, and recalled the right uppercut that lifted him off his feet and sent him flying.
High School was pretty much the same but it was a huge school with almost 1000 students, and there were lots of kids who would rally round to watch a fight or to put a stop to one if warranted. The verbal bullying was unsophisticated but effective and the girls emerged as major bullies for the first time. It seemed to impress their friends, raise their status in the pecking order.
In senior years I remember the duo who just made my life miserable with verbal taunts - sarcastic mocking for the amusement of the crowd. Witty but cruel. I just shrugged it off as best I could.
In my experience bullying is done to impress, to gain status. It promotes the power of the bully at the expense of the victim.
I had professional involvement in analysing and trying to develop responses to workplace bullying and I don’t think we ever came up with something effective. Most bullies at that level can use any system to their own advantage.

[Boodi 2]

Bullying is horrific and thankfully I did not experience it much at school, apart from name-calling and the odd hurtful comment. However, in one of our son's schools it was a big problem among the boys and while our son was not the main target what happened to some of his classmates was frightful. Children can really be very cruel at times! When we raised the issue with the school the teachers more or less ignored it and as far as we could see did absolutely nothing. Our son later changed to another school where he was much happier and where the teachers seemed to be more responsible and did their best to prevent such situations from arising.

[timv]

At my primary schools and for most of the time at my one secondary school (a state one which I attended for seven years) the bullying was no more than name-calling, plus unpleasant 'jokes' by types resembling Enid's Tony in 'House At The Corner'. The culture was more one of gangs of boys who had been to the same primary school coming to the secondary school together as an 'in' crowd and targeting outsiders, especially those who had not got any friends when they first arrived - I was the only pupil from my own , much smaller and private school to come to the school and was a year younger than almost all my form so I was an immediate target. It varied in intensity and generally faded away by the age of around 15, but could be intense in the junior forms at times; you could see that the perpetrators were usually showing off their 'wit' and were totally thoughtless about any effect on people, though that was (and to a degree still is) normal. The girls were generally better behaved, but some of the boys were very cliquey and hostile to anyone who did not share their social attitudes - and 'sending to Coventry' ie boycotting was a problem at times too.

The teachers tended to have very little idea what was going on - and as this was the 1970s homophobic slurs were common, though not much racism.(We had a black head boy one year, which was rare for the period especially in rural Sussex, and he was generally liked.) This was a large school of around 900 pupils with a large catchment area so the staff and the prefects were often remote from what was going on on the ground, and supervision in the playground at breaks was minimal with secret groups of smokers meeting up in out of the way locations and driving off anyone who got too close as potential spies. There was at one point a certain amount of violence and several attacks on juniors by one gang of senior boys of 16-17, with little or no awareness of what was going on by the staff until one over-boastful boy staged a fight outdoors close to the Head's office window and was spotted and expelled. You could sense that the gang were until then despising the authorities and assuming that they would never do anything. When one of my friends was attacked and I asked him and others to join me in making a formal complaint there was an attitude of horror by them that I would consider such a thing and fear of retribution for 'squealing', which I regarded as ridiculously outdated. There were also feelings that due to staff inattention the incidents had gone on too long and encouraged the troublemakers to think that they could do what they liked - and that the Head preferred not to expel anyone as the news might leak out and affect the school's and his reputation. It certainly affected my own attitude to authority long-term as this was the first apparent 'cover-up' i had experienced!

[Moonraker]

He told my wife that in school I was known as a very hard man, but also extremely fair and compassionate to those in need!!!

Good to see you haven't changed, Pete!

[Viv of Ginger Pop]

I have just watched this podcast about being bullied

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJQSIZ6k2jA

The comments are worth reading

Viv