Junior Limerick Section for young 'uns & Learners!

[Domino]

Daisy, You can make your last line fit by changing it to So ev'ryone is happy through the day.There's always a way.
I think the rhythm is more important than the number of syllables. though they should be constant in lines 1 2 and 5 and the also in 3 and 4. If you follow the rhythm you won't go far wrong.

Dave

[Poppy]

All great advice on these Limerick threads!... Great verses too. Let's start a new one.

New Starter: Jack is watching the birds on a cliff...

[Domino]

Poppy, the rhythm of your line is: TUM-ta TUM-ta ta-TUM ta-ta-TUM so you have a a shifting rhythm which will make it quite difficult for those following you,
but if you change it to

When young Jack watched the birds on a cliff

the rhythm will be: ta-ta-TUM ta-ta-TUM ta-ta-TUM which will make it much easier to keep the rhythm and will only require a one-syllable rhyme e.g. biff, stiff, tiff. if the last syllable isn't the stressed syllable it would require a 2 or even 3 syllable rhyme. You may know the one that goes:

A wonderful bird is the pelican.
His bill can hold more than his belican.
He can hold in his beak
Enough food for a week,
But I'm blowed if I know how the helican.

Note that there are 10 syllables in each of lines 1 and 2; 6 in lines 3 and 4; but there's an extra one in line 5.
It works because the 'But I'm' is said quickly and only given the value of two half-syllables so the rhythm is kept.
The words have to be chosen carefully so not ideal for learners. The wrong spelling in the rhyme words is often used in limericks for a joke.

Dave

[Poppy]

Poppy, the rhythm of your line is: TUM-ta TUM-ta ta-TUM ta-ta-TUM so you have a a shifting rhythm which will make it quite difficult for those following you,
but if you change it to...

Is it? If there is this many rules to think about, I don't think its worth me posting here on this thread... I join in for a bit of fun, as I'm sure many other posters probably do, and it usually OK to post a few slight errors. After all, we're not all experts you know!!

[Tony Summerfield]

You must remember, Poppy, that the purpose of this thread originally was for young 'uns to learn and these are very helpful pointers from Domino. There are a number of adults who post in the main limerick thread (no names mentioned!) who don't seem to have a clue of how a limerick should scan, so don't take offence when help is offered.

There was a young lady called Poppy
Who was never the slightest bit sloppy
She wrote stories so well
That I really must tell
She's the one for others to copy!

[Nair Snehalatha]

Joining in limericks is just for fun.
Lets have a starter
In the post office so big and bright

[Poppy]

Thanks Tony! I am still blushing, now!
I will wait to hear a few more limericks and see if I get the hang of it.

[Domino]

Tony, thanks for backing me up.

Snehalatha, we haven't actually finished the one Poppy started as corrected by me, so perhaps we should do that one first and then finish yours. I have to say though that I can't criticise Poppy's effort without doing the same with yours. Where are you putting the stresses? If I was saying your line I would naturally stress the syllables shown in blue below:

In the post office so big and bright

I suppose you could say it as:

In the post office so big and bright

but that doesn't really sound natural and suggests it is unusually big and bright. I don't think that's what you really mean.

Poppy and Snehalatha, please don't hold back from having a go. The rules are not so difficult. It's just that the rhythm has to be consistent and if you start with an awkward rhythm you will make it difficult for those that follow you. There's no shame in having to be corrected. That's how you learn. Don't you think Enid would say the same to you if she could?

Dave

[Domino]

So the starter is:
When young Jack watched the birds on a cliff

[Daisy]

When young Jack watched the birds on a cliff
The one thought in his mind was "What if?"

[Nair Snehalatha]

Yes, of course-- we have to learn-- I still have-nt got the hang of it. Let me try-
When young Jack watched the birds on a cliff
His one thought was 'what if'
he sat on a ledge

[Domino]

When young Jack watched the birds on a cliff
The one thought in his mind was 'what if'
He sat on a ledge,
And fell off the edge,

Dave

[Daisy]

When young Jack watched the birds on a cliff
The one thought in his mind was 'what if?'
He sat on a ledge,
And fell off the edge,
And a Great Auk? - he had not a whiff!

[Domino]

Not sure about the stress on your last line, Daisy. Perhaps it should be

A Great Auk? - he had never a whiff!

Dave

[Daisy]

The trouble with this stress business is how the line is said in one's head. I can make my line exactly equal to your suggestion Dave.
Have you read from the beginning of this thread? Many points have already been made - the learners have moved on and often disappeared and new ones aren't going back to see what went before. There were always some who cottoned on better than others!