Pomes (Poems) Inspired By Ern Goon

[Barnard]

The Spiteful Letters.

Nasty letters are being sent
to various Peterswood folk.
They take it very seriously.
It’s certainly not a joke.

Gladys gets one and is very upset
and she resigns her position.
Fatty will find the letter writer.
He makes it his mission.

The letters were posted in Sheepsale
and Fatty’s brains are not up to par.
He thinks the writer travelled on the bus
(but what if they went by car)?

Some clues are found and when Fatty sees them
he says that he knows all.
The letter writer thinks she’s safe
but is heading for a fall.


Fatty is totally right, of course.
He knows the writer’s name.
He unmasks her at the Hiltons’ home
and stops her little game.

[Bertie]

Great work, Barnard.

Your idea to write a pome for each book came a couple of pages ago after I wrote one about Spiteful Letters, so I'll count that as my effort for this book but I'll work on a Limerick and hopefully others will contribute pomes of their own.

[Barnard]

I think these pomes are great fun, Bertie, and the more contributors the better.
I was thinking of adding another verse to my Spiteful Letters pome and I may post it when I have worked it out.

[Bertie]

There's a letter writer on the loose,
Spouting spiteful and hurtful abuse,
The Find-Outers get stuck,
But then get gifted by luck,
Clues which only Fatty can deduce.

[Courtenay]

mRs mOOn wROtE sOmE lEttERs sO sPitEfuL
ThE EffECT On hER nEiGhbOuRs wAs fRiGhtfuL
buT a bAG Of CLues TRiCkY
(inCLuDinG PiP's DiCkY)
GAVe fATTY ThE sOLuTiOn DELiGhTfuL

[Bertie]

Great pome, Courtenay.

[Barnard]

I don’t think I could write a pome to equal that.

[Courtenay]

Well, it was really a rehash of one I wrote earlier in this thread when we were doing Clerihews — I enjoyed the challenge of wRiTinG LikE mRs mOOn so much that I decided to see if I could do a limerick on the same subject, so I looked for the obvious rhymes for "spiteful", recycled the "tricky" / "dicky" thing, and it just went from there, for whatever it's worth...

[Barnard]

It might be time to move on to the Missing Necklace.

[Barnard]

Here goes then.

The Mystery of the Missing Necklace.

Fatty’s home for the holidays
and his voice has broken.
(He’s maturing fast in other ways,
but these are left unspoken).

There are thieves around who are stealing jewels
but not in Peterswood.
But that’s where they have their headquarters
and so that’s jolly good.

They meet at the fair in the waxwork hall
and Fatty and Goon keep watch
dressed as waxwork effigies
and then Goon sneezes. Natch…

…erally Fatty gets himself caught
and in a cupboard he gets chucked.
The gang then leave and Goon says to Fatty
“I really feel quite bucked.”


“Let me out, Goon,” Fatty calls out.
“It’s not very nice in here.”
“I’ll release you later,” Goon replies.
Says Fatty, “I feel a bit queer.”

To be continued when I think of some more.

[Bertie]

Goon's dashing in haste, all red in the face,
How poor old Fatty seethes!
To the inspector they race, to get on the case,
And catch the gang of thieves.

With Fatty in disguise, the rest as his 'eyes',
They look out for things oblique.
And a man's surprise, makes them all surmise,
That he could be part of the clique.

After a little chit-chat, though mostly 'wassat!?'
A message is passed in a cig,
With the excitement of that, Fatty didn't stay sat -
They were onto something big!

A meeting of them all, at the Waxworks Hall,
Is what Fatty was asked to pass on,
But he has the gall, to spy on the cabal,
While dressed up as Napoleon.

Goon also makes hay, and hears what they say,
By replacing the Waxwork copper,
But he gives them away, and to Fatty's dismay,
It's he that was caught good and proper.

Goon may be a jerk, but was entitled a smirk,
When he caught most of the gang.
But boy did it irk, when by some quick work,
One escaped with the pearls in hand.

So much to their glee, they learned the mystery,
Was still not over by far.
They found the jewellery, and 'Number Three',
But all Goon said was 'gah!'

[Barnard]

Excellent, Bertie.

[Bertie]

Thanks, Barnard. Yours too.

I'll work on a Limerick as well before the next book, and hopefully there'll be other contributions.

[Barnard]

I’ll try to think of a Limerick as well.

[Anita Bensoussane]

A wonderful 'pome', Bertie. I do like those double rhymes!