Jokes

[Eddie Muir]

Hilarious, Pete.

[pete9012S]

[Courtenay]

Good ones, Pete. I'm surprised they didn't include the classic "It's not possible to lick your elbow" (followed, of course, by "You just tried to lick your elbow")...

[IceMaiden]

It is impossible to stand upright with your side pressed flush against the wall. As soon as you try and put both feet together you'll overbalance.

If you stand facing a wall, stretch out both arms in front of you so your fingertips are just touching the wall and swing one arm around in an anti-clockwise direction, when you put it alongside the other it will be shorter. If you swing it in a clockwise direction it will be the same length again.

It's not possible to drink and breathe at the same time beyond the first six months of your life.

Whenever you tell someone these you can guarantee they'll try them out instantly .

[Courtenay]

My arm ends up shorter both ways. Not going to try drinking and breathing at the same time, mind you...

[deepeabee]

Two policemen call the station on the radio.
"Hello. Is that the Sarge?"
"Yes?"
"We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for
stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet sir. The floor's still wet!

[Courtenay]

[Daisy]

Oh dear! (Is there a smilie for "groan"?)

[Rollercoaster]

Did you hear about the man who stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone, and suddenly it dawned on him?

[Daisy]

Good one Ann.

[Courtenay]

[IceMaiden]

[Jack400]

I went to a fortune teller. She said, "Do you want your palm read?" I said, "Yes please". So she hit it with a hammer.
Quote from Bradley Walsh on "The Chase"

[Jack400]

On a birthday card:

"You've been staring at that carton of orange juice for half an hour. What's the matter?"

"Sssh! It says concentrate."

[Courtenay]

And how about this one... “Clairvoyants Society Meeting Tonight — Cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.”