Jokes

Anything goes! Use this forum to get to know each other.
User avatar
pete9012S
Posts: 17571
Joined: 24 Jan 2010, 15:32
Favourite book/series: Five On A Treasure Island
Favourite character: Frederick Algernon Trotteville
Location: UK

Re: Jokes

Post by pete9012S »

I found the following account quite poignant,funny and sad at the same time.
It also reminded me of Jack & Philip smuggling Kiki and other animals on board their ship whilst on holiday:

The story of the bird with the broken leg
Here is a story Lorne Blair brought back from his travels:

”You know, after my Ring of Fire-series, I was asked to lecture on luxury cruises in the Indonesian waters about the islands we were sailing through but would never actually see. The passengers were always very interested to hear my stories and occasionally we would actually descend the ship at one harbour or another.

That day we were about to visit a harbor that was famous for its bird market. The captain of the ship got us all together for instructions before we’d descend from the ship. He said:”Whatever you do, do not buy any animals. I will not have them aboard the ship and, besides, you would be interfering with the ecosystem since we cross important natural barriers that animals by nature might not cross. So it is strictly forbidden to buy any animals. Understood?”

So, off they went and gazed at the bird marked in town and no animals were bought.
Well, except for this small bird with a broken leg. The poor thing. Broken leg and all. A little old lady had pitied the poor bird.

So she smuggled the bird under her coat aboard and kept him in her cabin. But after a few days she could no longer keep the secret, since the bird noises were giving her away. She had to face the captain and apologized deeply:”I am so sorry, but the poor thing had a broken leg!” The captain gave her an obligatory reprimand and then forgave her.

Two months passed when we arrived at the same harbour again. The captain called in the passengers for his usual instructions and everybody went ashore.
I went into town and what did I see in the market?
..
You can guess”
“I don’t not know.” I answered.

Lorne smiled and waited for me to boggle my mind for an answer when he suddenly said:”All the birds had a broken leg. After all, it was the only one that was ever sold. Apparently tourists want birds with broken legs. So this is what they will get.”

Logical.
" A kind heart always brings its own reward," said Mrs. Lee.
- The Christmas Tree Aeroplane -

Society Member
User avatar
sixret
Posts: 4130
Joined: 16 Aug 2006, 14:25
Favourite book/series: Five Find-Outers,Mr.Twiddle,Barney R
Favourite character: Mr.Twiddle,Fatty,Saucepan,Snubby

Re: Jokes

Post by sixret »

Thanks for sharing, Pete. It was a sad story. @Daisy please read this story.
I stand with justice and the truth. Palestine will be free from the river to the sea.

Learn the history. Do research.

The hypocrisy, double standard, prejudice and bigotry own by some people is so obvious.Shame on them!
User avatar
pete9012S
Posts: 17571
Joined: 24 Jan 2010, 15:32
Favourite book/series: Five On A Treasure Island
Favourite character: Frederick Algernon Trotteville
Location: UK

Re: Jokes

Post by pete9012S »

I just opened my fridge and it smells of basil.
I think it's Faulty.
" A kind heart always brings its own reward," said Mrs. Lee.
- The Christmas Tree Aeroplane -

Society Member
User avatar
Courtenay
Posts: 19274
Joined: 07 Feb 2014, 01:22
Favourite book/series: The Adventure Series, Galliano's Circus
Favourite character: Lotta
Location: Both Aussie and British; living in Cheshire

Re: Jokes

Post by Courtenay »

:lol: :mrgreen: :twisted:

(You don't have a Waldorf Salad in there as well, do you? :wink: )
Society Member

It was a nuisance. An adventure was one thing - but an adventure without anything to eat was quite another thing. That wouldn't do at all. (The Valley of Adventure)
User avatar
Daisy
Posts: 16632
Joined: 28 Oct 2006, 22:49
Favourite book/series: Find-Outers, Adventure series.
Location: Stoke-On-Trent, England

Re: Jokes

Post by Daisy »

sixret wrote:Thanks for sharing, Pete. It was a sad story. @Daisy please read this story.
Any particular reason, Sixret? :?
'Tis loving and giving that makes life worth living.

Society Member
User avatar
sixret
Posts: 4130
Joined: 16 Aug 2006, 14:25
Favourite book/series: Five Find-Outers,Mr.Twiddle,Barney R
Favourite character: Mr.Twiddle,Fatty,Saucepan,Snubby

Re: Jokes

Post by sixret »

No particular reason but I thought you might like to read the story, Daisy. :D
I stand with justice and the truth. Palestine will be free from the river to the sea.

Learn the history. Do research.

The hypocrisy, double standard, prejudice and bigotry own by some people is so obvious.Shame on them!
User avatar
Daisy
Posts: 16632
Joined: 28 Oct 2006, 22:49
Favourite book/series: Find-Outers, Adventure series.
Location: Stoke-On-Trent, England

Re: Jokes

Post by Daisy »

Oh I see... well as I read just about everything on the forum, I had already read it, thanks.
'Tis loving and giving that makes life worth living.

Society Member
User avatar
Mehul
Posts: 191
Joined: 29 Oct 2013, 15:14
Favourite book/series: Secret Seven, Six Cousins and FFO
Favourite character: Peter, Roderick, Jack from SS, Susan etc
Location: Pune, India

Re: Jokes

Post by Mehul »

I couldn't just stop laughing at this one.

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After eating, he stands up, takes out a gun, shoots the waiter and is about to leave when the manager shouted, 'Hey you! You can't just eat a meal, shoot my waiter and then leave without saying a word!'. The panda simply says, 'Look up my name in the dictionary.' and leaves.
When the manager looks it up in the dictionary, he reads-
Panda-: black and white animal, lives in central China, eats shoots and leaves.
SPORTY EEL was here.
User avatar
Courtenay
Posts: 19274
Joined: 07 Feb 2014, 01:22
Favourite book/series: The Adventure Series, Galliano's Circus
Favourite character: Lotta
Location: Both Aussie and British; living in Cheshire

Re: Jokes

Post by Courtenay »

:D Aha, the joke that provided the title for one of my favourite books...

Image

:mrgreen: :wink:
Society Member

It was a nuisance. An adventure was one thing - but an adventure without anything to eat was quite another thing. That wouldn't do at all. (The Valley of Adventure)
User avatar
pete9012S
Posts: 17571
Joined: 24 Jan 2010, 15:32
Favourite book/series: Five On A Treasure Island
Favourite character: Frederick Algernon Trotteville
Location: UK

Re: Jokes

Post by pete9012S »

Mehul wrote:'Look up my name in the dictionary.' and leaves.
When the manager looks it up in the dictionary, he reads-
Panda-: black and white animal, lives in central China, eats shoots and leaves.
That was a good one.Thank you.
It was much better than this one:
A white horse goes into a bar, and orders a pint of bitter. "Blimey," the barman says, "we sell a whisky named after you." "What, Eric?" says the horse.
" A kind heart always brings its own reward," said Mrs. Lee.
- The Christmas Tree Aeroplane -

Society Member
Liam
Posts: 295
Joined: 01 Jan 2013, 00:02
Favourite book/series: Famous Five
Favourite character: George
Location: New York

Re: Jokes

Post by Liam »

A bit corny maybe, but funny enough.

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
User avatar
pete9012S
Posts: 17571
Joined: 24 Jan 2010, 15:32
Favourite book/series: Five On A Treasure Island
Favourite character: Frederick Algernon Trotteville
Location: UK

Re: Jokes

Post by pete9012S »

Great one Liam! :D :D :D

Image
" A kind heart always brings its own reward," said Mrs. Lee.
- The Christmas Tree Aeroplane -

Society Member
KEVP
Posts: 550
Joined: 15 Oct 2015, 02:18

Re: Jokes

Post by KEVP »

I am going to remember Liam's joke and wait for a time to spring it on someone unsuspecting . . .
User avatar
IceMaiden
Posts: 2290
Joined: 07 Jan 2016, 18:49
Favourite book/series: Too many to mention! All of them!
Favourite character: George
Location: North Wales

Re: Jokes

Post by IceMaiden »

A man asked his son what he would like for his forthcoming sixth birthday. The son said he wanted a hamster so the man visited the local pet shop. There he found the perfect hamster who was in the peak of health so he bought it. He also bought a cage with a wheel and a water bottle. As he was leaving the store owner said "Any problems what-so-ever, just come back here. I live right above the shop and I'll help you out any time you want."
The man put the hamster and cage in his car and drove home. He left them in there until his son had gone to bed so that he wouldn't see them when he brought them in. Next morning is the son's birthday so the man gets up early to wrap the other presents and to check on the hamster. He is horrified to see that the hamster is lying dead in the bottom of the cage with it's legs in the air! He realises that his son will be distraught as he's talked about nothing else for weeks! Quickly he pulled on his coat and drove round to the pet shop and knocked on the owner's door. He explains the problem and the owner is quite understanding and gives the man a new hamster, refusing to take any payment for it.
The man then says "What can I do with the old one? I don't want to bury it as the cat may dig it up and I don't want to throw it away in case my son sees it in the bin".
The pet-shop owner replies "What I do is mix up a strong sugar solution - about 1.5kg of sugar and 2 litres of water, bring it to the boil and then add the hamster and simmer for about two hours, stirring periodically. It makes quite a nice jam."
The man says thank you and that he will try the rather strange recipe and then dashes home with the new hamster. He gives the new hamster to his son who is thrilled with it and promptly goes off to play with it. The man then decides to try the pet-shop owner's recipe so goes to the supermarket to get some sugar, then gets the largest saucepan he has and starts cooking. After two hours, the mixture has become jam-like so the man decides to try it. He gets a slice of bread and smears a layer on and takes a bite. And it is (not unsuprisingly) absolutely revolting! In disgust he throws the rest of the mixture out of the window, all over his garden, and does his best to forget about the whole thing.
But after a few days he notices that daffodils are springing up all over his lawn. He is at a loss to explain it as he's never had any in his garden before! Next day, his son asks him to take him to the pet-shop as he wants to get some more food for the hamster so the man agrees. Whilst his son is looking around at the other animals, the pet-shop owner, recognising the man, comes over to talk to him.
"So", he said, "did you try that recipe I gave you?"
"Yes, but it tasted disgusting so I threw it out the window. Odd thing is, where is landed I've got daffodils growing!"
"Daffodils?" asked the store owner, "Are you sure? You usually get tulips from hamster-jam"
Society Member

I'm just an old fashioned girl with an old fashioned mind
Not sophisticated, I'm the sweet and simple kind
I want an old fashioned house, with an old fashioned fence
And A̶n̶ ̶o̶l̶d̶ ̶f̶a̶s̶h̶i̶o̶n̶e̶d̶ ̶m̶i̶l̶l̶i̶o̶n̶a̶i̶r̶e̶
Image
User avatar
pete9012S
Posts: 17571
Joined: 24 Jan 2010, 15:32
Favourite book/series: Five On A Treasure Island
Favourite character: Frederick Algernon Trotteville
Location: UK

Re: Jokes

Post by pete9012S »

Ha ha ha .Very good!

:D :D :D :D :D
" A kind heart always brings its own reward," said Mrs. Lee.
- The Christmas Tree Aeroplane -

Society Member
Post Reply