Jokes
- Anita Bensoussane
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Re: A Joke
Joe comes home, looking upset. "The doctor told me I've got to take these pills for the rest of my life," he says.
"What's wrong with that?" asks his wife.
"He only gave me six!"
A mother-in-law, a tramp, a shaggy dog, an Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and a blonde all walk into a bar together. The barman turns to them and says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
"What's wrong with that?" asks his wife.
"He only gave me six!"
A mother-in-law, a tramp, a shaggy dog, an Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and a blonde all walk into a bar together. The barman turns to them and says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
"Heyho for a starry night and a heathery bed!" - Jack, The Secret Island.
"There is no bond like the bond of having read and liked the same books."
- E. Nesbit, The Wonderful Garden.
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"There is no bond like the bond of having read and liked the same books."
- E. Nesbit, The Wonderful Garden.
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Re: A Joke
What's the difference between an Investment banker and a pidgeon?
- A pidgeon can still put a deposit on a Ferrari.
A bank robber's mask slips from his face during the robbery. He points his gun at the clerk and asks him: "Did you recognize me?"
The bank clerk replies: "No, Mr Miller."
The robber shoots him. Then he faces the other employees and customers: "Did anyone of you recognize me?"
A man answers: "I didn't, but my wife here, she did."
Cheers
Dick Kirrin
- A pidgeon can still put a deposit on a Ferrari.
A bank robber's mask slips from his face during the robbery. He points his gun at the clerk and asks him: "Did you recognize me?"
The bank clerk replies: "No, Mr Miller."
The robber shoots him. Then he faces the other employees and customers: "Did anyone of you recognize me?"
A man answers: "I didn't, but my wife here, she did."
Cheers
Dick Kirrin
"You just never knew what would happen. It made life exciting, of course - but it did spoil a cycling tour!"
- shadow
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Re: A Joke
Here's a joke that sounds like it should be attributed to someone famous
Woman: If you were my husband I'd poison your tea
Man: If you my wife I'd drink it
Woman: If you were my husband I'd poison your tea
Man: If you my wife I'd drink it
If I could live here on this secret island always and always and always, and never grow up at all, I would be quite happy
- Anita Bensoussane
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Re: A Joke
Isn't Winston Churchill supposed to have said something like that to Lady Nancy Astor?
"Heyho for a starry night and a heathery bed!" - Jack, The Secret Island.
"There is no bond like the bond of having read and liked the same books."
- E. Nesbit, The Wonderful Garden.
Society Member
"There is no bond like the bond of having read and liked the same books."
- E. Nesbit, The Wonderful Garden.
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- Fiona1986
- Posts: 10544
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Re: A Joke
That reminds me of "Sir you are drunk!" "Yes madam but in the morning I'll be sober, while you will still be ugly!"
"It's the ash! It's falling!" yelled Julian, almost startling Dick out of his wits...
"Listen to its terrible groans and creaks!" yelled Julian, almost beside himself with impatience.
World of Blyton Blog
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"Listen to its terrible groans and creaks!" yelled Julian, almost beside himself with impatience.
World of Blyton Blog
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- Anita Bensoussane
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- Location: UK
Re: A Joke
I've got a book of Churchill quotations somewhere - they make for amusing reading!
"Heyho for a starry night and a heathery bed!" - Jack, The Secret Island.
"There is no bond like the bond of having read and liked the same books."
- E. Nesbit, The Wonderful Garden.
Society Member
"There is no bond like the bond of having read and liked the same books."
- E. Nesbit, The Wonderful Garden.
Society Member
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- Posts: 6386
- Joined: 26 Dec 2004, 12:20
Re: A Joke
I don't think you have quite got it right Fiona, as I was thinking of it too!! I think it was Bessie Braddock and she said:- Winston you're drunk!Fiona1986 wrote:That reminds me of "Sir you are drunk!" "Yes madam but in the morning I'll be sober, while you will still be ugly!"
He replied:- 'Madam you're ugly, but I will be sober in the morning!
- Fiona1986
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Re: A Joke
Thanks Tony, I knew when I posted it that it wasn't quite right.
"It's the ash! It's falling!" yelled Julian, almost startling Dick out of his wits...
"Listen to its terrible groans and creaks!" yelled Julian, almost beside himself with impatience.
World of Blyton Blog
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"Listen to its terrible groans and creaks!" yelled Julian, almost beside himself with impatience.
World of Blyton Blog
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- Eddie Muir
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Re: A Joke
This one should appeal to Anita.
Two English tourists were driving in Anglesey. When they reached the village of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch.
One of them asked the waitress: "Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Please can you pronounce where we are, very, very slowly?"
The girl leaned over and said: "Burrrr...gerrr King."
Two English tourists were driving in Anglesey. When they reached the village of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch.
One of them asked the waitress: "Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Please can you pronounce where we are, very, very slowly?"
The girl leaned over and said: "Burrrr...gerrr King."
'Go down to the side-shows by the river this afternoon. I'll meet you somewhere in disguise. Bet you won't know me!' wrote Fatty.
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Re: A Joke
Story of my life...Fiona1986 wrote:Thanks Tony, I knew when I posted it that it wasn't quite right.
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- Anita Bensoussane
- Forum Administrator
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- Joined: 30 Jan 2005, 23:25
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- Favourite character: Jack Trent, Fatty and Elizabeth Allen
- Location: UK
Re: A Joke
I hadn't heard that one before!Eddie Muir wrote:This one should appeal to Anita.
Two English tourists were driving in Anglesey. When they reached the village of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch.
One of them asked the waitress: "Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Please can you pronounce where we are, very, very slowly?"
The girl leaned over and said: "Burrrr...gerrr King."
Another one:
When Bob collected his pay packet one Friday afternoon, he found that he had been overpaid by £100. He said nothing, but was delighted.
The following Friday, he opened his pay packet to find that it contained £100 less than usual. Immediately, he went to his boss and complained.
"You didn't complain last week when we accidentally paid you £100 too much," said his boss.
"Well, I was willing to overlook one mistake," replied Bob, "but now a second mistake has been made I feel it's time to say something."
"Heyho for a starry night and a heathery bed!" - Jack, The Secret Island.
"There is no bond like the bond of having read and liked the same books."
- E. Nesbit, The Wonderful Garden.
Society Member
"There is no bond like the bond of having read and liked the same books."
- E. Nesbit, The Wonderful Garden.
Society Member
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Re: A Joke
That's a great one, Anita.
"Hope springs eternal in the human breast"
-Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man
-Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man
- Anita Bensoussane
- Forum Administrator
- Posts: 26887
- Joined: 30 Jan 2005, 23:25
- Favourite book/series: Adventure series, Six Cousins books, Six Bad Boys
- Favourite character: Jack Trent, Fatty and Elizabeth Allen
- Location: UK
Re: A Joke
My son heard this joke on TV this morning:
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?
Still no idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?
Still no idea.
"Heyho for a starry night and a heathery bed!" - Jack, The Secret Island.
"There is no bond like the bond of having read and liked the same books."
- E. Nesbit, The Wonderful Garden.
Society Member
"There is no bond like the bond of having read and liked the same books."
- E. Nesbit, The Wonderful Garden.
Society Member
- Fiona1986
- Posts: 10544
- Joined: 01 Dec 2007, 15:35
- Favourite book/series: Five Go to Smuggler's Top
- Favourite character: Julian Kirrin
- Location: Dundee, Scotland
- Contact:
Re: A Joke
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
Doyathinkysaurus!
What do you call a blind dinosaurs dog?
Doyathinkysaurus Rex!
How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a pink elephant?
Tie a knot in its trunk, wait til it turns blue then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
Doyathinkysaurus!
What do you call a blind dinosaurs dog?
Doyathinkysaurus Rex!
How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a pink elephant?
Tie a knot in its trunk, wait til it turns blue then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
"It's the ash! It's falling!" yelled Julian, almost startling Dick out of his wits...
"Listen to its terrible groans and creaks!" yelled Julian, almost beside himself with impatience.
World of Blyton Blog
Society Member
"Listen to its terrible groans and creaks!" yelled Julian, almost beside himself with impatience.
World of Blyton Blog
Society Member
-
- Posts: 2564
- Joined: 14 Jun 2009, 18:19
- Favourite book/series: Famous Five, Barney Mysteries
- Favourite character: Julian, Dick
- Location: Southwest Germany
Re: A Joke
How can you put four elephants in a green and orange striped Ford FIesta?
Two in the front, and two in the back.
How do you see that the four elephants are in a block of flats?
The Fiesta is parked outside.
Why do elephants have red eyes?
So that they can hide in a cherry tree.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
You see, it is very effective.
In a wrestling match between elephants and mice one mouse manages to get on the elephant's back.
The other mice call out: "Mickey, choke him!"
So much for elephant's jokes.
Cheers
Dick Kirrin
Two in the front, and two in the back.
How do you see that the four elephants are in a block of flats?
The Fiesta is parked outside.
Why do elephants have red eyes?
So that they can hide in a cherry tree.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
You see, it is very effective.
In a wrestling match between elephants and mice one mouse manages to get on the elephant's back.
The other mice call out: "Mickey, choke him!"
So much for elephant's jokes.
Cheers
Dick Kirrin
"You just never knew what would happen. It made life exciting, of course - but it did spoil a cycling tour!"